Residents and tourists alike were left stunned yesterday as Godzilla made his long awaited debut on the Branson Strip, bypassing Las Vegas, Hollywood, and Tokyo to lay claim to the Ferris wheel near Highway 76.
Eyewitnesses report that the 150 foot attraction “didn’t stand a chance” as Godzilla took one giant chomp out of the wheel while simultaneously setting half the city ablaze with what one tourist described as “fiery dragon breath mixed with expired Bass Pro propane.”
“He looked at Dolly Parton’s Stampede, but I think even Godzilla knows better than to mess with the dinner show crowd,” said local resident Randy Millhouse, still clutching his funnel cake.
Authorities attempted to lure the monster away using a convoy of duck boats, but witnesses say Godzilla merely batted them aside “like cheap pool toys.” The Branson water tower also sustained damage, though Godzilla reportedly paused to read the logo and comment, “Huh. Thought this was Branson, Missouri, not Jurassic Park.”
City officials assure visitors that Branson remains open for business, with Silver Dollar City promising a new rollercoaster named “Fire-Breathin’ Fury” inspired by the event.
When asked for comment, one teenager simply shrugged: “Honestly, it’s still less chaotic than driving through Branson traffic on a Saturday night.”